Sunday, June 2, 2013

Angry "girl"...

This morning, I noticed I got a hit from an exMormon group.  It wasn't RfM, but another site out in the hinterlands of the Internet.  I had never visited the site before, but I was kind of curious as to what had led them to my blog.  It turned out they had found a post I had written back in March 2012 about famous exMormon Michael Crook.

The first time I ever ran across Michael Crook was sometime in 2005 or so, when he made the news for seriously dissing the Armed Forces.  He basically said that servicemembers are overpaid.  He went on Hannity & Colmes on Fox News and tried to explain himself, not that they gave him much of an opportunity.

After we saw that clip, my husband and I researched Michael Crook and found some of his very hateful drivel.  We found out that a lot of servicemembers were very upset about his comments and wanted to shut him down.  While I found what he said sad, distasteful, and disagreeable, I'm generally not in favor of censorship.  He has the right to his opinions and should be able to express them out loud if he wants.  I have the right to disagree with his opinions.  I don't feel like I have to "shut him down".  That would be unAmerican, in my view.

Anyway, the person who had found my post linked to it and described me as an "angry girl".  I have to admit, that amused me.  For one thing, I haven't been a girl in a long time.  I'll be 41 years old in just 18 days.  It seems like I was 14 just yesterday, but in fact it's been many years since then.

For another thing, yeah, I guess you could say I'm angry about a lot of things.  But if you met me in person, I doubt you'd necessarily think of me as an angry person.  I laugh a lot and enjoy cracking jokes.  Many people have even described me as "bubbly".

If you only know me from reading this blog, then yes, you might think I'm an angry, sour person.  I think it's important, though, to remember that this is a blog.  It's where I write candid things, which, a lot of times are about negative stuff.  In person, I am also fairly candid, but I probably seem a lot more friendly.  Unless, of course, you happen to catch me after I've been on a transatlantic flight for eleven hours with people reclining into my lap.  Then I might seem more like a rabid pit bull.  Just kidding.  I would likely never be quite that foul tempered.  I'm told I do have an effective "mean look" though.
 
For me, respect is a big thing.  I get angry when I feel like someone is being disrespectful to me or someone I love.  I know respect should be earned, but I don't think it's right when someone goes out of their way to be mean to another person for no reason.  On the other hand, if you've read many of my posts, you know that I have zero respect for a few people.  I don't respect my husband's ex wife, her kids, or her husband.  I feel that the disdain I have toward them is warranted.  It mainly comes from the fact that she never showed me or my husband any respect.   And her kids and her husband have been extremely disrespectful to my husband, who is one of the nicest, kindest, most decent people I know.

It may seem like I have a rabid hatred for them... and if I'm honest, there are times when I sort of do feel that way.  But I didn't develop these feelings without just cause, nor did I develop them overnight.  It took years of repeated profound disappointments to get to this point.  And while I could understand their behavior if they had had to deal with me on a regular basis, the fact is, I only got to spend time with them once.  Their disrespect toward me is not personal.  They don't know me well enough for it to be personal.  I think that's what upsets me the most.  They very likely would have treated anyone their bio father married the same way.




When I was younger, I had more hope and faith when it came to dealing with abusive people.  Now that I'm middle aged, I'm quicker to write off people who are jerks.  Life is very short and I've found that a lot of people aren't worth the effort of offering second or third chances to.  Yes, that's a cynical viewpoint to take, but it does save me some heartache.

What's more, I've learned that not being liked isn't the worst thing in the world.  I like having friends, but I want my friends to be real and like me for who I am.  And who I am isn't perfect.  I place a high value on friendships that are genuine... in other words, the friend knows I can be cranky and negative sometimes and sees enough good in me to like me anyway.

Sometimes, no matter what you do, you're not going to mesh with another person.  Personality clashes happen.  They don't mean a person is inherently bad.  They just mean that it's probably best to find someone else to spend your time with.

If my blog leaves you with the impression that I'm an "angry girl", I guess that's alright.  There are a few folks reading who know differently.  And a few others understand that a person's blog is only a facet of their reflection on the world.  

ETA--  Re-reading this post, I think the folks on that forum were under the impression that I am the person who appears in one of the videos I linked to in that post.  One person says she's angry and thinks Michael Crook has no soul.  Just so you know, I don't post videos of myself on YouTube... at least not at this point in time.  I am not the woman who ranted about Michael Crook on YouTube.  I was just impressed by what she had to say.

3 comments:

  1. This reminds me of something my cousin and her first-cousin-once-removed on the other side of her family once did. They had struck up a correspondence with a journalist (using my email address that I wasn't allowed to use because I had gotten into some trouble on theInternet)named Sarah Hepola who is now with Salon magazine. She decided to interview them under pseudonyms online and publish the interviews. The interviews were picked up and reviewed by someone or something called Kottke.org, and ended up receiving a considerable amount of attention, though no one significant in their lives ever figured out who they were.

    One site in particular that tore them apart was the Sunstone magazine website. One would think that, being the "liberal, intellectual" wing of the LDS church, posters there would identify just a bit with what these girls were going through, being forced to go through all the motions of being good little Mormon girls in southern Idaho, but seriously questioning the faith if even believing it at all.

    One of the posters there doubted that they were teens at all. My cousin's first-cousin-once-removed, Heather, was basically a genius and an overachiever to boot. In adddition to doing half her mom's work as the oldest girl in a family of ten kids, she did all the insurance billing(public and private) for her dad's office so her parents wouldn't have to pay someone to do it and could put the money into the boys' mission funds. She spoke and wrote like an adult because she had been expected to be an adult about 70% of the time since she was probably ten, plus she was highly intelligent. Her name is Heather, by the way.

    In her interview, she referred to her ancestors as "pre-westward migration" Mormons. The /sunstoners blew up at that, saing that it was impossible for a sixteen-year-old girl to have written it. they also were incensed that she had the nerve to complain that her parents weren't contributing much for her education when she was working for free 20 hours a week doing billing for her father's medical practice. They called her a brat and said she felt entitled, totally ignoring that if she had been paid fair-market wages for working in her dad's office, she would have made a dent in the cost of an Ivy League education, which was where she belonged. (She also had credits to graduate a year early with honors and as a national merit semifinalist, but her parents wanted to keep her around another year for slave labor. (SOMEBODY had to bake the bread every morning. Her mom was too busy running the stake relief society.)

    She didn't turn 18 until after the start of the next year, so her parents told her she had to go to one of the three church schools. She stuck it out at BYU Hawaii for one semester. Then she turned 18 and used her scholarship money to transfer to CAL, which is incredibly liberal, and has only seen her parents maybe two times since.

    She was being treated as slave labor, and even the "liberal, educated" Mormons couldn't see anything wrong with it.

    the message boards are full of real mormons, sort-of mormons, and exes dying to junmp on anyone for anything.

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  2. Well, in all fairness, this group didn't really "tear" me apart. They just linked to this blog and wrote that I was an "angry girl". I thought it was very funny. But then I watched the videos I had posted in the post that led them here and realized they were referring to one of the women in the video who describes herself as "angry". I guess they figured that was me, which makes me think they didn't read very carefully.

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  3. The Sunstoners didn't read carefully either.

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